Pepper spray and my pledge

Dear S,

I received the pack which you had ordered online. I was happy and sad at the same time, when I opened it. Happy, because I got a feeling of courage when I saw it. Sad, because it was a symbol of revelation that I am no longer safe on roads.

Even with that Pepper Spray bottle tied to my cross bag, I was so scared to come to M.G.Road today. I have not been scared of travelling alone ever in my life, even in the wee hours of the day. But today, the travel from Jayanagar to M.G.Road, that too at 6.30 in the evening, in that auto, made me realize that I have lost all the courage I had. With all these things happening around us, I felt so weak.

In that half an hour of travel - I was preparing myself to use Pepper spray-I was thinking what to do if he deviates the auto to the wrong route-what if Pepper spray wouldn't work properly-how to contact you when I am in danger - A sequence of events disturbed my mind. At the end of the journey, I was relieved that nothing happened to me, but some other thought was disturbing me. At the same time, another girl might have faced those situations for real.

Rape Rape Rape… from new born baby to old lady...there is no discrimination for the rapists. They just need a hole to satisfy their momentary desire.

I am so fed up with all this. Do you know, when did I hear the word Rape for the first time in my life? It was when I was in 6^th std. One day morning, my parents were having discussion about that day’s news. I could see the shock in their face. I understood that something brutal has taken place.Yes..It was Suryanelli rape case which happened in Kerala. No one told me what exactly rape is. But my mom told me to keep myself away from strangers.

A few days after that incident, when I was playing with my brothers, one guy from the nearby shop came to my house to deliver rice. When my brothers went out with that guy’s bike, I was there alone at my home. I can never forget that picture of mine. A lil innocent girl in a blue pinafore. He asked me to give him a kiss. I refused. Again he held me near him and asked a kiss. I refused – I ran out - he followed me- I didn’t know what to do –My brothers came – I was happy – but he went out and told them that they can use his bike for one more round-he deliberately wanted to keep them away- I lost all my hope- I was angry at my brothers-I ran to the bathroom –the only room which had a tight lock-locked door – he persistently banged on the door- I was afraid- I was scared – I was shaking- I don’t remember how much time I sat there.

I opened the door when I heard the voice of my brothers. I came out – I cried – I cried loudly. When my parents came back from office , I told them that I was raped as in suryanelli case. They got scared. When I explained to them the whole thing, they laughed. My father talked in favour of that guy. He told me that asking a kiss is not rape. He told me that, that guy was a boy just like my brothers. I was relaxed to see them laugh but I was not fully convinced. Now I know one thing for sure. If I had not known about Suryanelli case or rape at that time, I would not have locked myself in that bathroom. I would be writing this as a rape victim, considering the fact that, that guy is in jail now for some other serious crimes.

Okay..you might have got bored of this letter. I just wanted to share with you this much.When we talk about rape, punishments, castrations etc, why don’t we start doing something from our part?

We will take a pledge that we will no longer be shy in using words like sex, condom, masturbation or anything with our children. Let them know what all these things are at the right age. Let us not hide anything from him and create curiosity in him about woman.

We will take a pledge that - If we are having a girl we will make her learn Martial arts along with her academics/music classes, with the same priority. She should know to defend herself. If he is a boy, we will educate him that a woman’s life is not an answer for his teenage curiosity and that she is not just an instrument to satisfy his sexual needs.

Let us convert our anger into constructive action.

I dream of a world, where a girl knows to take care of herself and where boys respect girls.

My prayers to all the girls out there.

R.I.P Nirbhaya.

Love

Asha.